An old Man's Imponderable

Every so often, something crops up to tease a fellow and to wreak havoc with his reasoning processes. Best laid plans and all that.

Such a matter has arisen and I was, quite frankly at a point where I was quite literally going frantic with worry as to choice. Then I realised that I have out there in cyberspace, a whole host of friends only too willing and able to offer good advice, so here I am.

Let me set out my problem. No - firstly, I'll tell you of my plans, then I'll tell you of my problem, when I'll also specify the dilemma for which I seek advice.

Now, having been happily married to The One With The Short Fat Hairy Legs for what seems more than the 28 years it really is, a special anniversary is imminent, for which I have been repeatedly hinted at. Having recently forgotten our wedding anniversary, I was obliged to take Herself out for a meal - no, I tell a lie and to be honest, she took me.

This time, it is Her Birthday, an event which, I'm given to understand is quite important to Ladies in general. I cannot understand why. This one approaching, where Herself is concerned, is quite significant in that She has reached a Milestone.

She will reach the ripe O*d A*ge of fififififif- sorry but it would be churlish of myself to say it, even amongst friends like yourselves. It

You'll just have to trust me when I say it's important. Very Important.

So, as a token of my abiding love and deep respect, and my wish to do something very special to celebrate the Occasion, I have decided to take Her out for a meal, a Very Special Meal, an expensive meal, a memorable meal. I've scoured the area, seeking advice here, there and everywhere and have dug into my memories, such as they are, and have finally chosen the place and the time.

It was a difficult choice, but this roadside emporium won and I have to tell you, I'm pleased. We can look forward to a tasty meal in comfortable surroundings. Although the place is quite bijou, there is absolutely no sacrifice of quality, it does have good bathroom facilities, as you can see and is within easy reach of the road, although it does sometimes get a little noisy, and rocks a little when the heavies roll past.

OK, I'm no fool, though there are those would argue that point, but the decider for me, the final point which caused me to choose this place is their speciality The Belly Buster.

Here's a simple one.

The one with which I've decided to treat My Lady's palate have a much more satisfying filling:-

Large cob (Oven Bottom)

Fried Tomato,

Fried Bacon (2 rashers)

Fried Egg (2)

Fried Sausage (2)

Fried Onion (large spoon)

Fried Mushroom (2 large)

Fried Black Pudding (1 piece)

garnished with a piece of lettuce and all the tomato ketchup and brown sauce you want.

Pudding will be Boiled Spotted Dick with Custard.

There's a cup of tea included, but I'm not too sure about that after a recent incident when someone spilled their cup on the floor. This was wiped up and the floor became cleaner than ever before.

I know it would seem to cost a lot but it really is a bargain - something like £3 each ($6), so you see, it will be quite an expensive evening for me, but, as I said, it IS a special occasion - and She's worth every penny.

However - HERE IS MY PROBLEM - do we dress up, or should we go casual?