Is it safe to drive?

I've been driving now since 1964 when I passed my test in a little Austin A35. Actually, I'd been driving for quite some time before then, as I rode scooters, mopeds and motor bikes on my provisional licenses, but it was 1964 when I actually passed my test and gained my full motor car license.

I used to enjoy driving, but gradually, over the years, conditions on the roads have worsened, so that there seem to be far more idiots behind the wheel than should be allowed.

I still enjoy the freedom that driving brings; I can get into the car and go literally where I want, when I want, without being dependent on others.

Over the past few weeks, however, I've been involved in several incidents which give me cause to wonder if 'now' is not the time to give it up. OK, my reflexes and experience, coupled with common sense and anticipation, were enough to prevent any deeper involvement, but had the timing of these 'incidents' been different, then the outcomes could well have been nasty.

For instance. I'm on the major road, coming up to a junction with a minor road on my right. I shape up in the middle of the road, on the refuge lines, signalling to turn right. I'm waiting for a couple of cars coming towards me on my road to clear, before turning. Just as I engage gear and am letting in the clutch, a dozy cow of a driver shoots out from the side road on my right and crosses my nose. I was able to declutch and brake in time to avoid her smashing into my door.

Another one. 'T' junction in town, controlled by lights. The main street crosses the 'T' and is two way, the leg of the 'T', where I am, is one way, so the traffic is split for left and right turning - common sense really, and it is extremely well marked out. I'm standing at the red light, waiting to turn right. To my left is a Vauxhall, waiting to turn left, or so it would seem.

I discounted this as I moved forward on green, turning right - mistake. The stupid idiot in the Vauxhall turned RIGHT, speeding and cutting across me, narrowly missing the traffic island on which a traffic light is installed!

And again. I was driving along one of the longer streets when I saw a white van coming towards me, slowly. It would seem that that the driver was looking out for a particular street. He was indeed looking, for he found it and turned into it it - straight across my nose! Only instinct and God prevented that potential ooh nasty!

Then yesterday, something very similar. I was in Clowne, on the main Sheffield to Newark road and was moving down a hill where there is a cross roads, uncontrolled. There was a car standing on the opposite side of the main road, waiting to turn right (my left), indicator flashing. All right and proper. There was also a car on the side road, waiting to enter the main, where I was.

The man in the car in front of me flashed his headlights at the car on the side road. The sloppy, silly female type person took that as an order! She drove out - across my nose and turned right, to where I'd come from. Again, only instinct applied my brakes in time. The lady was white as a sheet as she passed me, shoulder to shoulder. The man in the other car merely shrugged his shoulders!

This 'flashing' business ought to be stopped, it really did. It ain't a signal, it ain't an instruction - all it bloody well means is that your headlamp flasher switch and headlights are working!!!!!!!!

So. I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't time for me to pack it in and let the others drive me around. I really am, for I know my reactions are slower now than they used to was and it frightens me to think what might happen in any future situation - similar to those, perhaps, but where the timings and positions are slightly different.

Is it time to panic, please?

A few days ago, I went to see the doc for me annual checkup, where he discovered me blood pressure was 'up' which means that I have to go back for a retest at the end of the month.

I visited the hospital, which I detest with a passion, to see Dracula's Daughter, who took an armfull of blood. I rang a few days later to be told that everything was OK, the results were marked 'no further action' required, which means that me medicines stay as they are.

Yesterday, I received a letter from Queen's Medical Centre at Nottingham, signed by Professor somebody or other. I think my blood pressure rose a little as I thought, "bloody hell, what do they want with me? Is there something they haven't told me". I've never had any dealings with these people, and I know they deal with the 'big stuff".

It seems that I fall into the screening group for colon cancer!!!!!

They are sending me a test kit over the next few days, with instructions what to do with it.

My blood pressure went up a little more on reading the letter. What the hell does this mean?

Is it genuinely a 'general screening programme' or is it cover for a more specific check up, because they think they ought to take a closer look at me? Is there something that they have found in me that warrants closer inspection?

The only problem I've had with me 'rear end' is that I'm prone to peri-anal abscesses, so I'm wondering if all this is connected?

I guess I'll have to cooperate and wait for the results, but I ain't very happy at the moment!

Credit where it's due.

On Monday evening, just before 4 o'clock to be precise, my stairlift went kaput, stopped, decided it had had enough and wouldn't go any further.

The thing was only installed last June, so it's still in warrantly, but that ain't my problem anyway.

I rang A1 Housing repairs dept who, it turned out, were having computer problems. Apparently, the machine was refusing to cooperate with the operators. I reported my problem and, after the third attempt, the lady said she had recorded my complaint and would contact Trent Valley Lifts, who have the contract to repair and maintain this sort of equipment for the Council.

I expected to be without my lift at least until sometime next day, but in any case, I had to haul myself very slowly upstairs, one step at a time to get to the toilet. There was no way that I was going to come down again, only to go back up very shortly, so I stayed upstairs, ready for my medicines etc. My young daughter carried my bits of stuff, book, glass of orange etc. I was absolutely exhausted by the time I got upstairs.

At 6.30, the phone rang - it was "John the lift man - is it OK for me to come now to fix your lift?"

He came from his last job at the other side of Mansfield to get here, but he arrived just after seven. He listened to our explanation and suggested that it might be the circuit board that was gone. He opened it up (it was sitting at the top of the stairs, so he had an uncomfortable working position) and checked the internal fuse. It had blown.

He went out to the van to fetch a packet of new ones, inserted one, tried the thing - and that fuse blew too, this time tripping the safety trip at the distribution box downstairs (but not the safety cut-out in the feeder box on the wall by the lift!!!). This confirmed that it was indeed the circuit board that had gone.

He 'just happened to have another one" on the van, which he fetched. This, he told me, was for another job, which would now have to wait a bit longer!

He fitted the new circuit board, tested the lift and it worked again. He drove it down and up the stairs, used the remote controls, confirmed it all worked, and left.

From me reporting the fault to the lift being fully functional again - three and a half hours!

Very well done, very good indeed!

And some people believe it!

I had to go see the do yesterday for my annual checkup for the thyroid and cholesterol and wotnot. Unfortunately, the young lady receptionist did what I often do, and I suspect, many others do - made a phantom 'click on the computer screen.

I wasn't signed in, so the doc didn't know I was there, so didn't bother calling me. After I realised that he wasn't merely running late and that something was amiss (quick on the uptake, I am) I checked at reception.

I was in to see the doc withing two minutes, after an hour's wait.

Anyway, I had chance to look at the magazines - a right selection they had too ( I see that they've put a man on the moon, by the way ) - and came across this little snippet.

A woman wrote in to the horoscope page of this magazine, "I have the idea of selling up here, moving to Egypt and opening a souvenir stall. Will it work?"

Reply - "I have consulted my crystal ball in conjunction with your star sign and it all looks good for you. It will be a success!"

I wonder - does anyone actually believe that crap?